no good

it started when you fell in love with the wrong angel
you trusted your heart and was made the fool
to let it bleed is no longer a choice.
i hope you wish you never met me
i told you i wasn't good for you
i showed you how deep my cuts run
i begged you never to get used to me
i'm the place devils run to
across the bed i watch you sleep
sheets fill the place i used to lay in
i'm no good for you.
you can cry if you need to
but i wont be there to watch
you can touch me if you want to
but i cant be there to feel
i walked into hell and i told you not to follow me
yet here you are
baring it all
and you're in too deep
you hold on thinking i'm about to change soon
you forced me to lie to you
when you said you loved me and i said it back
but is it lying when i know you don't want the truth?
you cradle my wounds like you can save me
yea, i think maybe we were good together,
but we know the best parts are behind us
we were illogical, with a little sweetness
sometimes i do wish all we needed was less of us
you fell in love with the wrong dream
you held on to the wrong fantasy
you used me to numb your daydreaming
here's to hoping you satisfied that like an addict
and i used you because i needed to use someone
here's to hoping the right person changes me
you're holding my hands,
you're crying in my arms,
what does all this mean?
i thought we'd never have to do these things
i hoped i'd never have to do these things
when i told you never to get used to me.
but here you are
and you're in way too deep.
and i can't help but hate you for it.

for a minute, she was my muse.

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It was dawn when it happened

I was taking a walk and then she appeared like a goddess.

The only light on her face was the red mist from the smoke she was having .

In the very heart of the blackest night.

At a the corner of 5th and something.

I swear it was like she manifested from the graffiti on the wall.

There were highlights of orange, red and blue on her features.

I was entranced.

It hit me like a wave.

Something I’d experienced a million times before but in a new-found intensity.

I was floating with the colors of her face.

Flying in a sea of words that meant nothing and everything.

When something within me stirred.

There I was, tossing words,

hoping to  god they were never to be heard.

She never stopped walking, my angel in colors

I never got to see the true face of my  minute muse.

Everything about her inspired me.

Everything about her baffled me.

I closed my eyes for a second.

She was gone.

I kept staring at the graffiti on the wall

Hoping,

Praying

For another glimpse.

She always appeared though,

At least in my head,

In a sea of rainbows.

Protected from all this mundane gray.

At least for that, I should be thankful,

 At least ..

She reminded me

I could still be inspired.

be careful what you ask of me.

i was just doing what you asked me to do.

when i let loose and allowed you to fall deeply into me

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do

when i pretended not to notice the day you made me into every gray part of you

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do

that night you wrote me into your existence and i didn’t seem fight it

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do.

when you asked me to be myself and i turned my back on you

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do 

when i kissed you like i did and felt nothing 

 

i was just doing what you asked me  to do 

when i said i loved you knowing full well i am incapable of that emotion

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do

when i became everything you’ve ever wanted in-bodied in everything you’ve ever feared

 

and i was just doing what i thought i owed you

the day i left you a note and never saw you again

 

i was just doing what i thought you deserved 

something brighter than anything i could ever be

 

i was just being myself

the day i left and felt numb in return.

inhuman mistakes.

mistakes that undo you.

mistakes that feel so good until they ruin you.

mistakes that act holy only to seduce you

mistakes are what devils feed on

mistakes are those little pleasures you let yourself indulge in

until

that rude awakening.

and these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again.

and these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just hate them again.

and those people you hurt, you’ll just hurt them again

and those people you professed to love, you’ll just hate them again.

in a warm summers day i made my first mistake.

in a warm summers day, I, a willing victim, took the road to ruin.

in a warm summers day i met death and stared her in the eyes and i kissed her.

i was then lost somewhere watching over myself as if i wasn’t even in my own body.

i felt hollow and empty and a secret part of me relished in that emotion.

in a warm summers day i threw myself into the unknown

i gambled everything away and here i am now,

in the coldest winter i’ve ever had to bare

Regretting.

And there’s no way back from ruin. 

at least that’s what i hear.

 

she.

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You compare them all to her.

They’re never as pretty, never as beautiful, never as sweet, as the tip of her tongue.

They can never be, as lovely as her smile, or as heartbreaking as her eyes.
Their souls will never cure you like hers, their smile won’t ever fix your frown like hers does.
They can never be, as evil as her, as darkly twisted, or as stubborn as your she.
You’ll always compare them all to her.
You’ll compare how one simple word from her, can break your day or make it. 
You won’t help but notice, no one ever loves you like she does. She understands the right way to love you, the only way that crumbles you, like no other being ever will.
You look at her, and she stills you. 
The sight of her, fixes you. 
And then you know, that as long as she walks this earth, you won’t ever be truly, and undoubtedly happily with any other person.
You’ll see it, in her eyes, that she believes you were created to fit her. 
No one ever will compare to that look of hers that catches your breath so deeply you need to look away.
And when you’re happy, you notice a sad smile on her face, you notice a sudden peck on the cheek, that explains a million words that say in silence how, all she wants is for that happiness to last, with or without her, all she cares about is that intoxicating sight of you laughing.
You heard once, that, those who really love, love in silence, with deeds and not with words .. she is everything you’ve ever read and believed about love, starting with that.
No one else will try as perfectly as she, to maintain that intoxication.
She’s the friend of all friends, the shoulder, the calming presence. 
She’s the mother when you need one, even if you don’t even know it. 
She’s the lover that shatters you, destroys you only to fix you up her way.
She touches places in you, you thought you lost a long time ago.
She awakens your senses in so many ways that your blood boils at the sight of her lips untouched by yours.
She refused to be forgotten, so she made herself last in every corner of you.
She’s the one challenge that you won’t and never want to win over.
She’s a mystery and only she, sees that as the most beautiful compliment she’s ever bared. 
And when you feel her, withdrawing into herself, fading a world away from you, you pull her back,
because,
she’s another half of you you always denied existed.
She makes you feel all you feel, anyway you want to feel it, and she won’t ever judge.
To change you is a crime in her book. Even the darkest shades of you, she embraces. And you can’t help but compare, how no one else ever does.
She takes you the way you are, makes you into what you’re meant to be.

You’ll compare them all to her, the one you let slip away.
She’ll compare them all to you, the one she ran away from.

the sin of logic …

I am the sin,

I am the ultimate temptation and the desire,

I am the pain and the loss,

the death of hope,

I am the pleasure,

I am your plague.

I am the saint of your dreams and the devil of every nightmare you’ve ever had,

they say I am “the land where angels fear to tread”.

I am that feeling you get, right at the back of your head, hiding from the rest of your thoughts,

that impulse,

that strange little impulse,

that illogical voice telling you to go on,

to run into your darkness,

pushing you into irrecoverable irrationality,

I am, and forever will be, the death of all that is good in you.

I’ll strip you all the way to nothingness,

into oblivion,

until all that remains in you, is me.

I am the core of your salvation.

Your poison like nothing else,

still want to love me?

Because if there’s one thing i know for sure,

its that my feelings for you, defy logic.

last night she was dead.

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last night she faked a seizure 

last night they took her to the coldest ER room in existence

last night she confided in her doctor that it was all in pretense 

last night she prayed for salvation 

because last night,

was the very last straw.

you see, she’s hanging by a thread 

so thin you can almost breathe it loose

so last night she gambled her life away

and last night she played dead 

only to remind the living 

to appreciate her and maintain her little thread of life.

last night she deceived 

at dinner, in public, she played the role of her life.

a dying woman fighting for the one that barely lives.