fleeting

1

unraveling 

thoughts too fast to comprehend. 

 

2

everlasting 

brief memories.

 

3

twisting in knots 

i created.

 

4

escaping

a smile

 born

  only after

 meeting

   you.

 

5

knowing

im in. 

 

6

asking 

are you?

 

7

breathing 

toxic air.

 

8

holding

it all together.

 

9

maintaining 

a thin thread of sanity.

 

10

losing

me.

 

11

refusing 

compatibility.

 

12

yearning 

passionate illogicality.

 

marry me. (for my apple)

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i want 
 
little fingers 
little toes
 
i want my hands and your nose 
i want your smile and my wit
 
i want to make that
with only you.
 
i want us to be
the exception to every rule.
 
my darling
i can’t imagine
being bored 
or growing old
with anyone else
but you.
 
i want your hands to be
the first thing i kiss
every morning 
of my everyday.
 
i want your breath to be
the first thing i taste 
every morning
of everyday.
 
i want your eyes to be
the last thing i see
every night
of everyday.
 
and i want your voice to sing
the rhythm of my every dream
every night
of our everyday.
 
so 
 
damn the torpedoes.
and damn the hurricanes.
because
your crazy
fits my crazy.
 
i’m in.
i’m here.
 
and i’m ready 
to bare your name.
 
take what’s left of
this poor soul
make me whole
make it rain again.
 
i guess,
 
what i’m trying to say is
 
will you,
give me the pleasure 
of your
i do?

let it be me.

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If you’re looking for a home
a place to call your own
Let that be me.
If you’re looking for a shoulder 
Somewhere you won’t feel any colder 
Let that be me.
If you’re looking for a life
Someone to call a wife
Let her be me.
And if you’re looking for a name
Someone to bear your shame
That will always be me.
If you’re keeping a secret
If its burning a hole in your head
Just give it to me.
If you’re feeling dark and out of fire
And the worlds seem insane
Let me be your sanity.
Let me be your flame.
Let me see beneath your beautiful
Let me fall in love with you all over again
Let me scream
For something illogical 
Let me be you’re someone to blame
And let me love it all the same.
Let me leave just to come back
And let me stay just to have you come to me.
Let me be saved
By an angel.
Let me be your silence
let me be your calm
Let me be your feeling
After every moment spent numb.
Let me be your religion.
Let me be your safety
Let me be your shelter
Let me be your bravery
Let me be your truth
Let me be your clarity.
Let me be your undoing
Just like you were mine.
Let me be your healing
My dear angel of mine.
And Let me be
The best of me.

So Let me be
The place you come from
And the place you go to.
Let me love you
Let me feel you
Let me strip you
And let me bare you.
Let me shift you
Let me hold you
And let me taste you.
I want to be
The blood in your veins.
I want to be
The beat of your heart.
I want to be
Every thought in your brain.
So don’t mind me
As I stand on the sidelines 
Of your phenomenon. 
And don’t mind me
As I write you
Into every love song.
And don’t mind the shouting
As I say it as loud as I possibly can
From the tops of every rooftop
That I’ve fallen
And I’m in too deep.
In conclusion;
My mine, 
Just

Let me
If you’d please
Spend what’s little left
Of my life 
Being
Everything
And 
Anything
You demand of me.
For I am yours 
And you are mine
And if we die
We die.
But first
We’ll live.
You and I
As
One
Perfect
Fit.

the game of immortality …

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with ice water in my veins
i come to you to melt
experience me
in my rawest form
feel me unveil
hear me project in the dark
watch me
strip
away
my ices 
 
be my savior 
be my silver lining 
let me be your thunder
let me break you
to a million pieces shining 
 
when i leave you behind
to bear the burden
of continuously remembering 
my icy flesh on yours 
my heart bursting in your chest 
my words whispered in your head
my kisses on your neck
i will be immortal
i will be stilled
 
so with ice water in my veins
i came to you to melt
 
vaguely
you caught a glimpse 
of a rare moment 
of fragility 
on a face
so cold 
and made of stone
 
it held an expression 
that can only be described 
as ecstasy and anguish 
voluptuousness, with sheer agony 
equally mixed
with just a single dose 
of ambiguity.
 
that was when you ran.
so fast
and so far
you ran.
 
its okay my love.
my dark,
was too cold for you to handle
 
as the ice water found its home
back into my veins 
i was left
with the burden
of continuously 
remembering you.
 
you did what i wanted
you were immortal 
you were stilled 
you won.
 
i smiled.
 

our language.

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language
is considered
the most sophisticated form of communication 
designed
to optimized our connection to each other
and the language
your body speaks 
on mine
this extraordinary form 
of the most intimate experience of my life
renders me 
hopeless
stumbling to explain
the simplest of concepts 
i am
i want
i need 
i love
but i’m getting the hang of it now
and theres a lot more i want to say
so i touch you and i say it
in a language 
only you
can feel
i kiss you 
and call your neck home
in a sensation 
only i
can believe 

my angel pulled from the wreckage.

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when they pulled you from that wreckage

i found myself bequeathed with a new habit

i seemed to always find a reason to never again feel good enough
to never again feel whole enough
to never smile enough
and on occasion, forget to breathe
long enough
to lose my senses 
memories still leak from every inch of me
memories of you
memories of me
and i feel my body atrophy 
so let me be empty tonight 
let me drink it all away
maybe i’ll find some comfort in the numb
just, let me be empty.
of every whispered promise 
of every unfulfilled maybe
and every torturous what if
i still feel like you’re dying
i feel it everyday
it happens over and over again
that image of you
being pulled from the wreckage.
i am haunted by the stones
i couldn’t lift from your chest 
and the scratches 
i couldn’t heal on your face
the broken bones i shook to wake you up
i am still tormented everyday
because of this ache in my chest
that grew with every minute
i couldn’t give my life up for yours
and with every breath
you still die
in my arms.
all over again.
so let me be empty tonight 
let me drink away the guilt.
let me be free
let me be numb.
that night
with you passing 
in that endless moment 
i’ve never heard anything so quiet.
i truly believe 
the angels
so enamored 
with their new arrival 
made the world silent.
i still miss you every second.
i still hide it
like i do everything.
so for now;
i’ll be as quiet
as the demons taught me.
in my dreams 
i’ll be empty 
of every memory.
and maybe
i’ll have one last dance 
with my father
in the night.

to every animal in human flesh.

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This is it.
Your apocalypse.

Welcome to the new age.
Welcome to my time.

Go ahead
Relax
Take a seat
And have a drink

Watch the whiskey fire burn in my eyes.
I am nuclear.
And I am here.

I’ll raise my rights
Paint my clothes in colors black and white
A revolution.

I won’t give you my reasons
You don’t deserve reasons.

But I can’t help but think
The lunch box days were so much easier
I loved it when my bed was my fort

Back in those crayon days

The world seemed so much bigger

And I believed in everything
And everything believed in me
The world was worth it
Back then.

And all the changes I wanted to be
Are they worth it still?
Is it even up to me?

I stopped caring
And you said it was okay
That life ruined my innocence
Because I saw destruction in every way.
You said I was no longer an innocent
You said I shouldn’t try and be brave
That “life’s a tough crowd”
And I listened
I acted just like you wanted me to

I was your puppet
You were my master

Even when you told me it was my fault they all left
I believed you.
And when you said he died and he never loved me
I cried thinking it true

You said life was never worth the battle
You said I was just nobody
You said nothing I did or ever planned to do will make a difference
When I asked you if sticky pennies on the street can make a change
You laughed at me.

Now I raised up all these issues you hid so well
Now I ask for her rights
Now I paint my clothes
In colors black and white

Yes, I am the new age.
I am nuclear.
I am our revolution.

I won’t riot.
I won’t shout.
I’m too graceful for that.

But you’ll listen
You’ll run
And I’ll chase you.
I’ll make sure you pay

Revenge is a mission

If played fairly,

Hardly ever won.
And even I, am never above that

..
You’ll pay for the girl you broke
For the one you abused
For the one that asked you a million times before,
To not touch her.
And still you did.
Like the ape you are.

Yes you’ll pay
For the life you ruined over night
You’ll pay for the words you stripped out of me

You’ll pay for the world you turned gray,
like it was never meant for people like me

Shaded in rainbows and so sweet.

You’ll pay for the sins of those you corrupted

You’ll pay for the souls of those you shattered

And I will watch you with every joy I can find in me
I will gladly bask in the glow of your ruin.

I am the face of this new age
I am nuclear.
I am your revolution.

With every genuine bone in my body

I thank you for everything you did for me.

Thank you for telling me I wasn’t worth the trouble.
Thank you for the war you forced us to forget.
Thank you for being no more than an animal.
Thank you for punishing me whenever I asked you to rise up to your humanity
Thank you for the pain you couldn’t care less about
Thank you for the promises you made
And thank you for never fulfilling them
Thank you for the lies you stood for upon nations of truths
Thank you for the deaths
Thank you for the abuse
Thank you for telling her she deserved to be raped

Thank you for the guilt you heaped upon me.

Like it was my fault I could never stop you.
Thank you for making her grow so weak she had no choice but to become a monster.
Thank you for hitting her when you did.
Thank you for humbly asking for her opinion and then punishing her voicing it.
Thank you for every time you made me hate you.
Thank you for every time you made me despise the world for accepting you.
Thank you for being disgusting.

Thank you for being alive.

And thank you for giving me a reason to kill you.

thank you;

for making me nuclear.

to women.

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you’ll never see me frown

because what use have i of anger?
nothing brings me down
that is  how i inspire.
i know that,

I am no conventional beauty
i might not be pretty
or built to fit a size zero
but a mere woman
undressed
of all your pretenses
your ego
i am fragile
i am lethal
i am beautiful
i am a woman
you’ll notice it in the stretch of my arms
as i reach for the lighter
its in the curve of my lips hugging the cigarette
you’ll hear it in the music of my sigh
and the rush of my blood
yes
i am a woman
its in the sway of my hips
the harmony of my moves
as i walk into a room
with a step and a breeze
its in the fury of my eyes
my soft silky skin
the lift of my nose
and the bulk of my thighs
its the hypnotizing bite of my teeth
on the full of my lips
yes its the swing in my step
and the wonder of my touch
its in the mere stretch of my height
my ever curvy back
and the mountain rise of my chest
yes
i am a woman
its in the femininity of my existence
and the rough edges of my mind
in the kindness of my fingertips
and the mercy of my heart
in my contradictions
yes i am sublime
yes
i am a woman
its in the cool breeze of my stride
in the dance of my hair
in the sweet nectar of my breath
and the way i seem to float on air
yes
i am a woman
the brightness of me
mind
spirit
and body
is what you probably see
yes i am that girl
that never bows her head
i am that creature
that elusive confusing thing
i am a woman
and it seems
god made it so that
my beauty
it lives deeper than any makeup can paint
i walk like the canvas on the wall
with pride of the painting it holds
that seems to baffle us all
so lift your head up like me
we women
what magnificent creatures are we.

remarkably bare.

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your values 

your identities 
they meant nothing
only the primal remained
 
to you
 
she is now
 
simply
 
a physical necessity 
 
your world was run by the unremarkables
and she
she shifted every primary impulse with her phenomenon 
 
to the unsighted 
she made everything visible 
 
to the senses
she was the ecstasy that heightened every sensation 
 
its true 
that between two opposites 
that strive for an inconsistent world 
there could only be one remedy 
force.
 
she carried in her stride the force of a perfect storm
and as she spoke
her voice was the thunder sounding like notes in a symphony 
 
yes
she has become 
a physical necessity 
 
like animals they bore on to each other 
their needs 
 
bare
and stripped 
 
they shared
nothing
and everything 
 
war would erupt within their veins 
only to be soothed by the kiss of the other 
 
it all seemed simple
 
until
 
she became 
 
the  very core
of existence.
 
when the mind decided
she then became a mental necessity
 
when the spirit grew weaker
she became its mercy
 
and when the soul needed saving 
she became its epiphany 
 
and on her passing 
the stars aligned to great her
 
a phenomenon 
like the woman that bared it
 
everything in her wake grew grayer 
the world was made of boxes 
the shades were all bleak 
hearts never seemed to recover
and the veins couldn’t seize their leaks
 
the only thing that seemed to comfort
was
the sight 
of her empty seat.

Dead bodies are good at hiding (edited)

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We collided
two opposites 
attracted to each other 
for no other reason than
it was written in the stars 
 
we were written
with words no human can begin to muster
the collision
so strong 
it seemed
my body couldn’t handle it
 
a few more strikes at the most
and that crooked smile
and there was only one possible result 
the most lethal weapon of mass destruction
 
The world
my world,
just collapsed.
 
sacrifices had to be made 
to avoid the most unnecessary thoughts.
in this hole you seemed to have dug for me
I ended up with a choice
 
An ideal world 
ordinary 
simple
and lifelike 
 
or
 
Ashes in paradise.
The result of a unison.
and there was nothing ordinary about it. 
 
I couldn’t begin to form a single thought
 
in paradise
I felt so out of control
so overwhelmed by the sensations
that I
completely shut down.
 
but in reality
it was a slow death.
so slow it ate away my organs
without my even noticing 
 
at some point i became a dead body
out of sight 
out of mind 
to every last thing that ever cared about me
so I hid 
in my lifelike cardboard cut-out  
of what they called reality.
 
I
a willing victim of my own choices
let my perfect opposite go
 
the collisions stopped
the world seemed to be at bay
peace hung around every corner
 
but 
 
No one found me.
Dead bodies are good at hiding.