my angel pulled from the wreckage.


when they pulled you from that wreckage

i found myself bequeathed with a new habit

i seemed to always find a reason to never again feel good enough
to never again feel whole enough
to never smile enough
and on occasion, forget to breathe
long enough
to lose my senses 
memories still leak from every inch of me
memories of you
memories of me
and i feel my body atrophy 
so let me be empty tonight 
let me drink it all away
maybe i’ll find some comfort in the numb
just, let me be empty.
of every whispered promise 
of every unfulfilled maybe
and every torturous what if
i still feel like you’re dying
i feel it everyday
it happens over and over again
that image of you
being pulled from the wreckage.
i am haunted by the stones
i couldn’t lift from your chest 
and the scratches 
i couldn’t heal on your face
the broken bones i shook to wake you up
i am still tormented everyday
because of this ache in my chest
that grew with every minute
i couldn’t give my life up for yours
and with every breath
you still die
in my arms.
all over again.
so let me be empty tonight 
let me drink away the guilt.
let me be free
let me be numb.
that night
with you passing 
in that endless moment 
i’ve never heard anything so quiet.
i truly believe 
the angels
so enamored 
with their new arrival 
made the world silent.
i still miss you every second.
i still hide it
like i do everything.
so for now;
i’ll be as quiet
as the demons taught me.
in my dreams 
i’ll be empty 
of every memory.
and maybe
i’ll have one last dance 
with my father
in the night.

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