for (you), to try and answer your questions.

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– why do you still care?

– i don’t know, i just do and i cant seem to help it.
there’s an infinite amount of ways to fall in love, and i think i sailed through most of them, other people could make me feel just as much, but you, you intoxicated me.
now, 3 years later  i still feel it, and 10 years from now, i’ll still feel it brewing inside of me.
we might not be together, we might stop making sense, yet still, you’ll always have me, that’s the sad logic that is us.
i can’t tell you i love you anymore, because what i feel for you defies those words and every word created by man.
i can no longer find any use for that word after you, what more can it possibly mean to me?
i can be with millions, i can love a thousand of them and i’ll leave them all just the same, but you, you’re stuck in my mind and that’s a million miles deeper than those fools stuck in my heart, you run in my veins, like the blood i carry with me, just as red, just as beautiful and just as essential for my very existence.
so yea, i still care.
i’ll always care.

nothing.

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you hold me 
like i’m worth it.
tell me i’m beautiful
 i’ll tell you
you’re only looking at a reflection.
passionately craving your touch 
i broke through every barrier 
every wall.
 
my gates 
brick by brick they fell
as i let down my every guard.
 
feeling at home
in my own skin 
you wear me like a crown.
you kiss my neck 
like its your safety.
 
i marveled at my body
as it fit every corner
of yours.
 
you seem to know sides of myself that i never met. 
you seem to turn my every ugliness into perfection. 
 
in my head i was invisible
i told you 
that’s what makes me dangerous 
that’s why i cripple
that’s why i hurt.
i watched you 
write love poems 
to the parts of me 
i couldn’t bare.
 
i unveiled
and you took it all in
like i deserved to be taken in. 
theres a dance my heart learned to master
it seems to happen
at the first sight of you.
and in those few seconds 
before your lips meet mine 
the symphony in my veins run wild 
wrapping me in a stillness 
defeated only by time.
you seem to stand in my heart like you’ve lived there before 
you’re my blood 
you’re my wine
you’re what my soul was meant to live in. 
my darling 
no measure of time
could ever seem enough with you.
and so i felt 
the need
to immortalize your lips on my neck
your laugh in my ear 
your swallowed sighs every time i touched you.
i knew your devils and you knew mine.
they stared at each other in one mirror. 
i knew your deeds
and you knew i had non.
when i asked you
to come to me
to stay with me 
you came 
 prepared to bleed.
you listened 
and you 
humbled me.
so i pulled the trigger with my tongue 
you blew me a kiss
goodbye.
 
i watched the ray of smoke 
rise from your chest. 
its sick.
i’m sick.
i seem to have  put a bullet
into the one person i’d die for. 
 
i feel nothing.