My poet.

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You paint me a story with words, 

Poet You have me 
In places and times 
Of your choice.

All I ever did in return,
Was, 
To build you, 
A kingdom 
From clouds & fairy lights. 
 
But your face of utter wonderment, 
Meant the absolute world 
To me, 
And I came undone.
 
You rescued me 
The day you met me.
And you’ve been saving me 
Everyday since.
 
Tempt me not with play , poet.
Don’t be coy and dare to tease
For I shall ravish you nonetheless,  
In ways 
Not even your books could describe.
 
 
I can’t tell you things that have no words 
And yet those wretched little things 
Drive me insane 
Uncurling in my heart 
Making me breathless 
With the many things I can’t say. 
 
After a single kiss I knew 
I’d spend my life trying to 
Fit the right words around you.
 
You, almost escaped description. 
And then I found a way 
To tell it all in tales
Without the limitations
 
Of words.
 
In a room, 
Too small, 
Where we both belong. 
Making the kind of memories 
Worth writing songs about.
 
Telling each other stories 
Over smoke, 
Candy 
And some kind of liquor. 
 
I found it.
 
I found you.

 

when I looked at her.

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A snow flake, stuck on a lash, she cradled my face and blew. 
With it, floated, the thoughts I carried, buried, hidden, always visible. 
Her hands, a slight breeze of every fruit in every forest, reached the nape of my back clenching a fistful of hair. 
Memorising my every feature. Her eyes demanded my attention. 
I wouldn’t dare give in.
Look at me she whispered, so close to my ear, her breath, so warm, too warm, my blood raged, my heart gave in.
My lids rested upon my sight, so scarred, so terrified. 
I wouldn’t look her in the eye. 
Because if i did, she would see, all of me, and I loved her too much to turn her into a masochist.
I fear the touch that unravels me, I fear the home I found buried in every inhale I took around her. I fear the skin, a touch a way, too far to kiss. I fear her hands, on my throat, wrecking me. I fear the shiver in my veins. I fear the kiss, she blew, on lips, so hungry to have finally breathed. 
With my eyes still shut, I saw her, ripping away, my every veil. 
Her hands slid and fled. Waiting for mine, to bring them home.
I was undone, broken into particles of her, as she wore me like a ring.
Her tongue, painted pictures of black and blue, as it roamed every inch of myself I ever knew. 
There and then, my body, became her canvas. An armed field she took pleasure in disarming. I tried, to hide the scars, but in truth, much of my flesh, told a story of a survived encounter. 
She drew, with that tongue a sketch of my every wound. 
Inhaling my every sense, she took even the memories away.
In a moment that seemed to pause every aspect of space and time, I was sculpted, I was created.
We made art, that night, with my eyes shut. 

She brought to life a masterpiece, unravelling, in me, everything she ever dared to fear.

in the mystery of our details.

(We talked in whispered words

As if, hushed tones won’t awaken the memories we shared.
Within the silence,
I noticed her withdrawing into herself
Fading a lifetime away from me.)
 
– Tell me whats in your head?
 
– I was just remembering,
how you’d come find me at the deepest hour of dawn.
how you’d cradle my head and kiss my temple,
absorbing all my thoughts,
only to think them a million times better than I ever could have.
 
(Her voice sounded like fragile glass.
I feared, if I interrupted them, she would break.)
 
– And now, can you not tell me whats crowding your head?
 
– I don’t know. it seems these days, I feel freer speaking to a stranger than to someone I actually know.
 
– That’s probably because a stranger sees you the way you are, not as they hope to think you are.
 
– And how do you see me?

– like a mystery.

– that’s the strangest compliment anyone has ever paid me.
 
(And at that moment in time, we seemed to cling to what things were, instead of letting them be what they truly are.
We were both lost, somewhere between the folds of all the details.
Barely finding our way back to the one mind we used to share.
That is how we left it.
Engulfed in a mystery ending.
A mystery as beautiful as her.)

be careful what you ask of me.

i was just doing what you asked me to do.

when i let loose and allowed you to fall deeply into me

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do

when i pretended not to notice the day you made me into every gray part of you

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do

that night you wrote me into your existence and i didn’t seem fight it

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do.

when you asked me to be myself and i turned my back on you

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do 

when i kissed you like i did and felt nothing 

 

i was just doing what you asked me  to do 

when i said i loved you knowing full well i am incapable of that emotion

 

i was just doing what you asked me to do

when i became everything you’ve ever wanted in-bodied in everything you’ve ever feared

 

and i was just doing what i thought i owed you

the day i left you a note and never saw you again

 

i was just doing what i thought you deserved 

something brighter than anything i could ever be

 

i was just being myself

the day i left and felt numb in return.

inhuman mistakes.

mistakes that undo you.

mistakes that feel so good until they ruin you.

mistakes that act holy only to seduce you

mistakes are what devils feed on

mistakes are those little pleasures you let yourself indulge in

until

that rude awakening.

and these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again.

and these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just hate them again.

and those people you hurt, you’ll just hurt them again

and those people you professed to love, you’ll just hate them again.

in a warm summers day i made my first mistake.

in a warm summers day, I, a willing victim, took the road to ruin.

in a warm summers day i met death and stared her in the eyes and i kissed her.

i was then lost somewhere watching over myself as if i wasn’t even in my own body.

i felt hollow and empty and a secret part of me relished in that emotion.

in a warm summers day i threw myself into the unknown

i gambled everything away and here i am now,

in the coldest winter i’ve ever had to bare

Regretting.

And there’s no way back from ruin. 

at least that’s what i hear.

 

she.

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You compare them all to her.

They’re never as pretty, never as beautiful, never as sweet, as the tip of her tongue.

They can never be, as lovely as her smile, or as heartbreaking as her eyes.
Their souls will never cure you like hers, their smile won’t ever fix your frown like hers does.
They can never be, as evil as her, as darkly twisted, or as stubborn as your she.
You’ll always compare them all to her.
You’ll compare how one simple word from her, can break your day or make it. 
You won’t help but notice, no one ever loves you like she does. She understands the right way to love you, the only way that crumbles you, like no other being ever will.
You look at her, and she stills you. 
The sight of her, fixes you. 
And then you know, that as long as she walks this earth, you won’t ever be truly, and undoubtedly happily with any other person.
You’ll see it, in her eyes, that she believes you were created to fit her. 
No one ever will compare to that look of hers that catches your breath so deeply you need to look away.
And when you’re happy, you notice a sad smile on her face, you notice a sudden peck on the cheek, that explains a million words that say in silence how, all she wants is for that happiness to last, with or without her, all she cares about is that intoxicating sight of you laughing.
You heard once, that, those who really love, love in silence, with deeds and not with words .. she is everything you’ve ever read and believed about love, starting with that.
No one else will try as perfectly as she, to maintain that intoxication.
She’s the friend of all friends, the shoulder, the calming presence. 
She’s the mother when you need one, even if you don’t even know it. 
She’s the lover that shatters you, destroys you only to fix you up her way.
She touches places in you, you thought you lost a long time ago.
She awakens your senses in so many ways that your blood boils at the sight of her lips untouched by yours.
She refused to be forgotten, so she made herself last in every corner of you.
She’s the one challenge that you won’t and never want to win over.
She’s a mystery and only she, sees that as the most beautiful compliment she’s ever bared. 
And when you feel her, withdrawing into herself, fading a world away from you, you pull her back,
because,
she’s another half of you you always denied existed.
She makes you feel all you feel, anyway you want to feel it, and she won’t ever judge.
To change you is a crime in her book. Even the darkest shades of you, she embraces. And you can’t help but compare, how no one else ever does.
She takes you the way you are, makes you into what you’re meant to be.

You’ll compare them all to her, the one you let slip away.
She’ll compare them all to you, the one she ran away from.

last night she was dead.

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last night she faked a seizure 

last night they took her to the coldest ER room in existence

last night she confided in her doctor that it was all in pretense 

last night she prayed for salvation 

because last night,

was the very last straw.

you see, she’s hanging by a thread 

so thin you can almost breathe it loose

so last night she gambled her life away

and last night she played dead 

only to remind the living 

to appreciate her and maintain her little thread of life.

last night she deceived 

at dinner, in public, she played the role of her life.

a dying woman fighting for the one that barely lives.