An apology letter for the both of us.

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There’s a fire inside of her. 

She is beautiful, 

Volatile, 

Unpredictable, 

Soft and hard, and soft again. 

 

You taught her how to feel 

She taught you how to love.

 

You’ll always be there with her, 

Standing in the shadows to keep her safe, 

Laughing with her in the light, 

Watching through her eyes, 

All those who dare to get close. 

 

You’ll always be there and, 

She will always be fine.

 

Im not blinded to realities,

She’s yours, 

I wholeheartedly agree.

Yet around me 

She still couldn’t breathe.

 

With butterflies,

To the point of suffocation.

We laughed at our untamed bodies.

 

I’ll always be her drug.

There’s no escaping that.

There’s no escaping me.

 

I tried you know, 

To rid myself of her. 

So did she. 

It never got any easier; 

We just got better at trying.

 

We felt the novelty of our beginning 

Even at our very end.

Crazy, right?

 

I was addicted, 

So I became the demon in our fairytale.

Her kisses were my whiskey 

Her touch was my loaded gun.

 

I could rid myself of all my pieces, 

And yet she remained the one thing 

I could never budge.

 

There’s a first for everything. 

And she went through the lists,

Becoming, 

My last first.

 

Tonight,

I wanted to collapse into her 

And rest a while. 

Curl upon her lap 

As she kissed my hair.

Just for the day, 

I wanted us back. 

 

Life has been playing tricks on me lately

Serving me too much of its realities.

I decided not to take it seriously.

So tonight, I let go.

 

Tonight,

I let her touch me again.

 

For a minute 

We couldn’t breathe. 

 

I never knew how good it felt

Not to breathe.

 

We couldn’t tame it,

The urge, 

That animalistic hunger.

 

I sat farther away teasing her. 

A slow curl of smoke parted her lips,

She smiled at my audacity.

 

I craved her.

 

Later, 

We were lying in tangled sheets, 

Hazy with spent lusts, 

Underneath my shirt

She traced my navel with her finger,

“You’ll love me forever.” She whispered. 

“Forever and a day.” I softly admitted.

 

Through layers upon layers of clothes, 

She set fire to my insides 

Fucking my soul.

 

“I’ll consume you,” she whispered 

Brushing her lips against my neck,

The open door behind her let in a breeze as she walked out 

It washed through our senses waking us up,

“My tragedy 

Is that I’ll let you”                    I trembled in reply.

 

She left,

And my heart rate started going back to normal, 

The muscles on my face didn’t stretch half as much 

And the aftermath of her, 

Began to lull me.

 

I felt dirty.

I felt soiled.

I felt numb.

I felt broken.

 

She’d left holes where she brushed,

Her tongue burned where it licked.

 

I could still smell her every which way I turned. 

She was on my hair, 

On my bed, 

And on my pillows.

 

Stripping out of every fragment of fabric I had on

I couldn’t wait to get in the shower. 

 

As if scrubbing off the remainders of her 

Would somehow make me feel, 

Clean again.

 

Leaving, 

I had long ago caged myself, 

In miles of carted hell,

Vowing, 

To never again, 

Touch her.

  

Now, she has you, and you have her.

All I have left are my words.

 

You can have her.

You can have it.

You can have me.

For I am only half of myself without her.

 

Kindly take her

And take my words with you

Take all you can carry.

 

Leave me with nothing,

I beg you.

 

I won’t fight you.

Just promise me, 

You’ll keep her safe. 

 

For I am the poet 

And she is my poetry. 

 

She is my anchor in the turbulent sea. 

She is my air that gives me breath. 

 

I can vow to anything till kingdom come,

But she wasn’t ever mine to begin with.

And then not to end with.

And you looked like everything she wanted.

And then she became something I hated. 

 

We were a single thought in two minds

Our edges would make a sculpture weep in jealousy.

 

We are entwined for all life and death.

So you keep her safe, 

Until the day I come next.

 

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A knight to remember.

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With his head upon her lap, she watched the warrior as he slept.
Feeling a little more daring than she did the previous nights,
She indulged herself and her little cravings as she ran her fingers through his dark hair,
She then traced an old scar on his face, brokenheartedly wondering where it came from.
Growing a little weary, she continued to watch, as he sank even deeper into his slumber, hoping that one day, he would invite her into his world, and along his battlefields, where she would be given a chance, to save him, like he rescued her.
 
The dark sky watched over them, she was warm that dark December night, with an added exciting breeze. Safely watching the world down there she envied the littleness of mortals’ worlds. Yet, she could honestly say, she never really craved to be like them. 

She sighed as the beautiful girl’s heart broke, knowing, it ached to rescue the man she didn’t know she had already saved.

 

Angry and frustrated by the blindness of mortals, she decided to give the beautiful girl a gift, a very special gift she saved for only the mad ones that had magic, feeling generous, she gave the girl, 
The gift of true sight.
Like a shooting star it happened in mere seconds,
The words appeared written on his skin like nothing she’s ever seen before.
She saw the truth that night.
His truth.
All of it.
The sky continued to watch, with obvious glee and self-assured arrogance, as the beautiful girl fought to understand the things her eyes saw.
 
As he slept, her warrior with the dark hair,
She saw the secrets he hid only from her.
In the creases near his eyes,
She saw that she was his harbour.
His lips told tales, of a beautiful girl he loved to taste,
She blushed, and wouldn’t dare look away, because what she saw next,
Was something she couldn’t begin to fathom,
For his safe haven, was in the smell of her embrace.
And around his deepest scars, she saw, the one thing that scared her the most.
With her sudden gift of sight, she saw that she,
Was all that remained
Of his strength.
In a sudden moment of true clarity, she saw beyond his flesh wounds.
Letting it all hit her, she let go of all her burdens, only for the chance to bear his own.
This warrior,
This man,
Was already so deep inside of her, buried underneath her skin.
Finding his way into her bones, she knew he has become a necessity.
An opiate addiction clawing his way at whatever was left of her sanity.
She consumed all of him.
She couldn’t fight back.
She couldn’t get enough of him.
She didn’t seem to want to.
Because,
Out of all their burnt bridges,
Her sleeping warrior, built her an ash throne.
He built her a castle, fit for a queen,
She no longer needed any walls of her own.
At least,
Never around him.
When her heart became too heavy to carry,
He gave her his own, never asking for anything in return.
She vowed, with the sky as her witness, on a warm but breezy december night.
That she would spend the rest of her existence,
Finding ways, to always protect him.
To constantly be his anchor.
So she weaved her words like spider silk.
Wrapping it around them.

With every word, the silk grew tighter.
Until finally, it grew so tight, she couldn’t breathe.

She never knew how good it felt,
Not to breathe.

He woke up to the sensation of her skin.
She looked into the eyes of the man she vowed to protect,
and said;
“The bright days are gone, dearest.
We, are for the dark.
You gave me all the words.
Yes, you gave me my last attempt at alive.

Although, this time i’ll do it different.
Yes, this time I’ll do it right.

Because this time,
I have you.
 
My warrior of the night.”
Breathless and desperate for her, he didn’t know what to say to his beautiful girl.
A million words struggled on his lips, a lifetime’s worth of words.
“I don’t know what you are.” Was all he managed to breathe into her embrace.

“I am whatever is meant by all this chaos rioting through you.” She said.

“You can hear how loud my veins scream, can’t you?” He asked.
“My darling, 
I heard even the whisper of your cells, 
As they turned from air to fire in my arms, in a single night.” 
He couldn’t believe his senses.
Wrapped in silk, inhaling nothing but      her.
How she made him lose his words, he would never know.
For here laid a warrior that conquered worlds,
That defeated armies and beheaded many a demon.
He laid in the arms of a girl,
A beautiful girl,
That became his one true conqueror.
He felt a breeze interrupt his thoughts as she attempted to stand, unwrapping the silk.
Taking her hand, he ached to be back in her skin.
“Sit.” He ordered,
Allowing himself to breathe only the air he found, around her neck.
She felt his eyes trace her skin and she blushed.
Suddenly exhausted by the revelations of a single night,
Staying awake seemed too difficult for the girl.
Nevertheless, she obliged.
Sitting back down, she asked, “Will we sleep?”
“Sleep? 
 
Angel,     No. 
 
Find delirium? 
Yes, we most certainly will.”
He sealed his promise with a kiss,
The tormenting kind of kiss.
Writing vows with his tongue,
He told the girl he was hers.
He confessed, he was owned.

Looking down at both the warrior and the girl who brought him to his knees, even the sky gave them a silent applause. 

As she gifted them calmness, on the night she knew they wouldn’t soon forget, she then called for the stars asking them to watch over the girl and her warrior, for they are magic she said.

 

Taking a stroll across mortal lands, she went to deliver more of her gifts.

 


My poet.

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You paint me a story with words, 

Poet You have me 
In places and times 
Of your choice.

All I ever did in return,
Was, 
To build you, 
A kingdom 
From clouds & fairy lights. 
 
But your face of utter wonderment, 
Meant the absolute world 
To me, 
And I came undone.
 
You rescued me 
The day you met me.
And you’ve been saving me 
Everyday since.
 
Tempt me not with play , poet.
Don’t be coy and dare to tease
For I shall ravish you nonetheless,  
In ways 
Not even your books could describe.
 
 
I can’t tell you things that have no words 
And yet those wretched little things 
Drive me insane 
Uncurling in my heart 
Making me breathless 
With the many things I can’t say. 
 
After a single kiss I knew 
I’d spend my life trying to 
Fit the right words around you.
 
You, almost escaped description. 
And then I found a way 
To tell it all in tales
Without the limitations
 
Of words.
 
In a room, 
Too small, 
Where we both belong. 
Making the kind of memories 
Worth writing songs about.
 
Telling each other stories 
Over smoke, 
Candy 
And some kind of liquor. 
 
I found it.
 
I found you.

 

Parking lot.

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maybe i should mention

that i went to our place yesterday

i sat on our burgundy rug

i stared at a place set for two

and i had a picnic.

somehow it seemed a little less strange with you there.

somehow people stared less at the odd couple breaking bread in a parking lot.

 

i heard your voice

 

felt the touch of your breath on my forehead

i shivered

you were telling me i live in my head too much

that i now believe illusions to be real

wont you stop saying that please?

how can it be

that the familiar texture, warmth, smell, or feel

of your breath near my skin

be a form of illusion my mind created?

 pretending to smile like you did.

i couldn’t have imagined that, could i?

i saw you muster lies told to exquisite pain

although, this time i think i noticed how your eyes swayed

you know, Like they do when you’re keeping a secret?

Why would you do that?

and then for a second

i think

i needed to look away.

because this time,

i saw it.

i saw how you denied me those extra moments of grief

i saw myself believe you were getting better

i saw hope creep its way into my fragile shell

 

god.

 

no.

please believe me when i say;

i thought i saved you, when i got on my knees and prayed for your life in exchange for mine

i thought i saved you, when i climbed into that frail bed and held you in my arms

i thought i saved you, when i named your body home and tide its existence to mine

i thought i saved you, when i kissed you that last time

and felt you taking your last breath, from mine.

i thought if i kept kissing you

kept giving you the air in my lungs

and if i happened to find a way to breathe for you,

in a kiss so deep our bodies wouldn’t know who was breathing for who

i thought

that i would deceive time

that i would convince it to pass us by

to come another day

in another era

to take my life away

not yours.

i, the undeserving fool of an immortal being

i, the unbelieving pessimist

i, the very darkest of souls.

the place even daemons fear to tread hides within my creases.

i am the beginning and end of every story.

and you;

as sweet as the ripest apple on a tree

as i kissed you, you were taken

as I kissed you, you were kidnapped

as i kissed you, you were stolen,

from me.

please forgive me

It seems, i lied when i said i’d save you

i couldn’t save you.

and now you’re somewhere I’m not

and I’m everywhere I cant be.

 left with too much time and no will to live it

so i stay here in this parking lot

i eat the sandwiches we ate

i tell the jokes we told

i sing the songs we sang

and  i wait,

i wait for that blue car

parked still 17 inches away

to move again.

only this time

sending me to wherever you are

eating the sandwiches we ate

telling the jokes we told

and singing the songs we sang

giving me a chance to save you

in another lifetime

like you saved me in mine.

and maybe the time i was wrongfully given

would go to a soul more deserving than i

because i can no longer be here

dying among the living

waiting for my chance

to get to kiss you one more lasting last time.

i dare you.

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Can you hear them 

in the distance

singing?

 

You like to think you’re a god
You are no a god.

A parasite.

Eating away 
At every jealousy 
Every piece of envy

Longing for the lives of strangers 
On them 

you feed

On the memories 

of love
loss
Birth 
Death
Joy
And sorrow. 

So, sweetest;

Go on then 

do your best 

feast on me

Take me
Take my memories 

my lives 

my souls

my demons

and my minds.

 

(You better hope you’ve got a big appetite.)

 

Because I have lived 
Oh how I have lived.

 
And I have seen. 

The things I have seen.

 

Treat yourself 

To the long preserved memory 

Of the day

I looked away

From the last great war, 
On the last passing of my very own soul.

I saw the birth of the universe 
And I watched
As time ran out 
Moment by moment
Until nothing remained 

Nothing

In all of time

But me.

I walked engraved in souls

Where the laws of humanity were devised, by 

The minds of madmen.

I watched as their hearts froze 
And memories burned

And souls erupted.

 
I have seen;

Oh how I have seen 

 

Many a deep yearning glow

Of red embers and sapphire 

In corners of every story

That told a tale

Once burning

Once had given light.

 

I have lost things 
You would never understand. 

And I know things
Secrets 
That must never be told.

 
Knowledge 
That must never be spoken.

 
Memories that would make parasite gods 

Blaze.

 
So come on then

Join the symphony, 

Dance on the graves of those who tried 

 

Challenge me 

And take it

 

Take it all
Have it

Have me
Bear it all. 

 

I dare you.

 

 

my ending.

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theres another world beyond these doors. soft lights and warm sounds. her soft voice sways like a symphony, making me dream of sunshine. i can see her through every crack. my hands tingle, they are tempted towards the noise of magic and away from this noise within my many minds. 

my tears fall like drizzling rain drops in hope of washing away the grime of life. 
i want to go through these doors, i want to be next to her i want to hear her music up close. 
instead i am confined to this room, reaching a state of irregular numbness, i close my eyes and let the darkness feel me.
 
she has no idea how dangerous she makes the people to themselves when she’s around. sometimes, i’d trade reality, for her. an alternate universe, imagined, but in it, becoming, something better than myself.
i know i shouldn’t be putting myself through this, i know this torture won’t ever have and end game, but how can i help it if her existence embodies what i was, what i am, and now the very part of me that made me feel worth something isn’t there anymore.

 
i woke up the next day at dawn, there was something strange about the sky, when the sun scrambled from its ashes, i didn’t remember much of last night, a mixture of smells invaded my space within seconds of my consciousness, charred wood, soaked skin and burnt cigarets, the room lay torn around me, somehow i couldn’t figure out which tornado took place here.
 
i looked for her in the ruins of this storm, and with every corner turned, a mangled semblance of our lives together, scattered across this apartment in the shape of an endless summer.
 
i never question this empty vacuum of space when the sun is awakened and beaming, but dawn seems to have an affect on every strung out mind within my brain, its times like these that i notice how i live like I’m waiting for something to save me. everything i own, everything i am, nothing but a religious residue, from a life left behind. 
i live in limbo, stuck in a labyrinth, running in circles in search of her. with my nights being spent in distraction, and my mornings dedicated to figuring out what exactly happened, this feeling will get deeper, it will sink farther than any soul i once had, the time seems longer and the days all look the same, colored in the darkest shade of grey, do i dare dream of my own fictitious ending? do i dare stumble upon thoughts forever hidden?
 
i could have been safe without her. her sharp knives scraping my life away, clumsily shaping my realities into something unrecognisable. shredded and dissolved, a life together apart was always inevitable. 
I’m still waiting for her to put the knife down, to let me go, so i can remember how to smile again, the kind of smile that doesn’t involve her. my mind is preserved inside her world, ageing strangely as if she wants me to live forever, to never understand why i can’t. in her world everything is possible, thats what makes her dangerous. the very reason my end seems, as anything and everything that involves her, inevitable. 
 
and maybe that is my reality a fictitious end.

a constant runaway’s remembrance

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I lit the fire, curled up with my book, lost in a hurricane of thought, there was still a monster in my house, and, in a fragment of time that had, perhaps, been snipped out of my reality, I was in love with the one that took me to the sea, and drowned me. From the moment I saw her, the prophecy became a reality, because that which takes the form of an angel becomes itself an angel. she was beautiful, she was magical, she was a nightmare within a dream. 
And the best part? Her eyes weren’t the windows to her soul, they were the doors into mine.
 
Her face, her words, and the sound of her every trigger, they were haunting me: standing behind me, present and yet invisible.
Our story, it wasn’t like any other.There had been betrayal in it, I knew, and loss, and time. The thought of having went through that made it all the more difficult to attempt any form of reality in my head; She was like a wound beneath an old bandage and I had grown more used to the bandage. She no longer served her purpose, and I never came to know what was mine.
 
The fireplace was almost dark now, with only the deep red glow of embers in the hearth to mark that it had once been burning, once had given light.
 
That was when i saw her coming, she walked like the last touch of a sunset, at the end of the world. 
Her hands, ever so delicate, formed a series of nightmares, tearing at a nightmare. 
I didn’t know how to begin reacting to her, how to conjure a single thought, I was lost and maybe found, I could never tell the difference.
We sat, the two of us, next to each other, and we could have been continents away.
She spoke, and as she struggled to continue, I seemed to hear nothing but silence, it was louder than words could have ever been. 
She said nothing. 
That was how I walked out, feeling liberated, but mostly, sad. 
Because, if i had stayed, It would have not killed me, it would have destroyed me. Dissolved me. I wouldn’t die, but if I stayed for too long, after a while only a little of me would exist, everywhere all spread out. 
And that’s not a good thing. 
Never enough of me all together in one place, there wouldn’t be anything left that would think of itself as any form of me i’ve ever known. 
No point of view any longer, because I’d be an infinite sequence of every view and point. I would exist through non existing, it would be like watching pieces of myself float across a meadow always there but never again, me. A mess of thoughts, unable to decipher between the person, I knew and the one colliding my minds together in war.
 
And so i left, I was happy, I was devastated, I was confused, and then the confusion was replaced by a smile, as if the world had just reconfigured itself into a form that finally, made sense. 
 
Decades later, when we meet again, in a sweet serendipitous moment, I won’t remember how badly I hurt her, or how harshly I tore at her, and most excruciatingly, how that last kiss felt.
Its sad that I won’t remember, but I guess its easier that way.
What happens to memories when they are forgotten? Where do they go after living in our heads? Shadows waiting to be called.
 
So we lay our past selves to sleep, burn them to ashes and scatter them at sea, we serenade the moments, the hours and the days, because, in that split second, as I liberate her of me, my heart will start to sing, of a ghost-memory, a phantom moment, a shaky reflection in the pool of remembrance.
I will know how it would have felt when I, the scavenger took her heart. 
How it felt when my hunger, tore into her chest and snatched out her pulsing core, still pumping, I devoured it to get at what was hidden inside.

I somehow know how that felt, as if it was truly a part of my life, of my death.
And then the memory snips, and rips, ever so neatly, and I, forget again how somehow, with her in my arms it was as if I seemed to hold mountains, babysit hurricanes and I lay demons to sleep, in the space of a single breath.

cold hotel room …

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1 he.
i walked out into the balcony and there she was, beautifully sulking in her own misery. she had on nothing but my over-sized T-shirt and a cigarette in her right hand. her finger nails were painted white, so lick-able like little lollipops. the beauty of her was that, she didn’t seem to mind the inconsistencies of her own fingers. her hair fell like a wave-pool onto her narrow shoulders, she had it swiped to the side like she does most of the time. her highlights were fading into a non-color color, and i could stare at her for hours. like that. surrounded by air like it could do nothing but magnify her marvel, smoking a cigarette straight to the bud staring into oblivion as if it holds all the answers. answers to why i seem to keep hurting her. she turned around and caught a glimpse of me, i started to back away and she ran to me. 
i held her.
i couldn’t breath, she held on to me like i was life. i sat on the chair and pulled her back to me. for a second she seemed confused, i didn’t know whether or not i was allowed to touch her. i held her hips and i kissed her belly, i hugged her as she stood and i was speechless. 
my need for her, my innate craving, rendered me speechless. 
i begged her with only flesh to come closer, and when she finally sat, on my knees and she crumbled, she fell on me like raindrops falling in a vast desert, fast, angry and with a thud. i curled her up even tighter to me and i watched her as she went along with it.
in my arms she was more fragile than that look she got, chasing oblivion. 
in my arms i felt her crawl underneath my skin. i felt her find her way into my flesh like somehow, it was home. 
i will forever be taunted by the feel of her under my fingertips. the sensation of her back on the palm of my hand as i rubbed circles into her spine. the euphoria of her hair on my neck and her smell mixing with the smoke emerging from her mouth. i can never forget the feeling in my gut the moment i absorb her sobs with that kiss. a kiss that will haunt me for as long as i live. in that moment, i released, i unveiled, i was shattered. no matter how invisible i was in my own mind, i was always visible to her. i could hurt her twice as hard as i could ever ache, i could kill her and it would be a massacre, as i perish away all her possible lives. 
in my arms on the balcony, in that cold hotel room, she loved me
i should be responsible for what that does to her. i no longer live as one. i am born again. in her. 
i could tell her how i meant no harm, or how its something i cant control. i could spin in so many twists that would only make sense in my own mind. 
and at the end of the day, this broken angel, sat on my lap, kissing my lips, holding my body … 
deserving or not, this broken angel was mine. and in that cold hotel room, i realized, it happened without my even noticing, it hit me like a storm, and i too, was hers.
2 she.
I dried my eyes and looked at him, i saw the man that would be my undoing. i saw unpredictability and sanity. i saw clarity in the midst of the fog. i ran to him, i caught a handful of his dark hair and i held on for dear life. I won’t deny my constant wondering of how or what, he feels for me. I also can’t deny, my fragility. Or even my inability to hear the answer.
Worried he might break i felt him reach for my body like a rose falls reaching, succumbing, darkening, in the presence of gravity. i let him  hold me and i let myself be held by HIM.
Sitting there, wrapped in him and my own flesh, in that cold hotel room, I found myself feeling more at home than I ever had. I cradled his face, I kissed his forehead, took another drag of my cigarette and i cried.
My lips brushed against his, in the most intimate sensation i would ever experience, barely touching, sharing the same air, breaking, into the ecstasy that is us.
With my thumb, i rubbed a tattoo on the corner that merged his right ear with his neck, the little hollow corner that i knew he could never resist. 
I didn’t know how to explain, or even find the words, to help me translate this kind of love, how it made my world possible, or that feeling home will no longer mean anything other than the smell of him, or how I found faith I thought I’d lost, somewhere in the spaces between his lashes.
Is it crazy that i now crave the pain i feel when around him? i crave the twists in my gut and the tears of pure and unadulterated hurt. i was addicted to his kind of pain and the sorrow it seemed to cause me. He wore sad so beautifully it became a trend.
Under the circles he was rubbing on my back i felt a hollowness being filled.
That was when I caught myself trying to tell him a story, i thought i could breath it into him, or kiss my way through the sentences. A story of  a girl, lost in translation, only to be found In her own sweet oblivion. Covered in solitude, and all the while knowing full well 
She was meant 
No, 
Born …
To fit
Only him. 
I was always meant to meet him. Meant to fall in love the way we did. Meant to feel the hurt we both caused, as perfectly as the glee we seemed to convey. Yes, i think maybe we were always meant to save each other.
He found me trying to carve out my own spot in the universe, only seconds before he introduced me to a spot already carved out and ready for me. Mine,  from the very moment it existed.
I wanted to say all that.
GOD
I wanted to kiss him, and decode my thoughts into breaths.
With all those years and words, struggling on my lips, all I managed to say was:
“You know, I’m so glad you’re my best friend.”

nothing.

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you hold me 
like i’m worth it.
tell me i’m beautiful
 i’ll tell you
you’re only looking at a reflection.
passionately craving your touch 
i broke through every barrier 
every wall.
 
my gates 
brick by brick they fell
as i let down my every guard.
 
feeling at home
in my own skin 
you wear me like a crown.
you kiss my neck 
like its your safety.
 
i marveled at my body
as it fit every corner
of yours.
 
you seem to know sides of myself that i never met. 
you seem to turn my every ugliness into perfection. 
 
in my head i was invisible
i told you 
that’s what makes me dangerous 
that’s why i cripple
that’s why i hurt.
i watched you 
write love poems 
to the parts of me 
i couldn’t bare.
 
i unveiled
and you took it all in
like i deserved to be taken in. 
theres a dance my heart learned to master
it seems to happen
at the first sight of you.
and in those few seconds 
before your lips meet mine 
the symphony in my veins run wild 
wrapping me in a stillness 
defeated only by time.
you seem to stand in my heart like you’ve lived there before 
you’re my blood 
you’re my wine
you’re what my soul was meant to live in. 
my darling 
no measure of time
could ever seem enough with you.
and so i felt 
the need
to immortalize your lips on my neck
your laugh in my ear 
your swallowed sighs every time i touched you.
i knew your devils and you knew mine.
they stared at each other in one mirror. 
i knew your deeds
and you knew i had non.
when i asked you
to come to me
to stay with me 
you came 
 prepared to bleed.
you listened 
and you 
humbled me.
so i pulled the trigger with my tongue 
you blew me a kiss
goodbye.
 
i watched the ray of smoke 
rise from your chest. 
its sick.
i’m sick.
i seem to have  put a bullet
into the one person i’d die for. 
 
i feel nothing.
 

the game of immortality …

Image
with ice water in my veins
i come to you to melt
experience me
in my rawest form
feel me unveil
hear me project in the dark
watch me
strip
away
my ices 
 
be my savior 
be my silver lining 
let me be your thunder
let me break you
to a million pieces shining 
 
when i leave you behind
to bear the burden
of continuously remembering 
my icy flesh on yours 
my heart bursting in your chest 
my words whispered in your head
my kisses on your neck
i will be immortal
i will be stilled
 
so with ice water in my veins
i came to you to melt
 
vaguely
you caught a glimpse 
of a rare moment 
of fragility 
on a face
so cold 
and made of stone
 
it held an expression 
that can only be described 
as ecstasy and anguish 
voluptuousness, with sheer agony 
equally mixed
with just a single dose 
of ambiguity.
 
that was when you ran.
so fast
and so far
you ran.
 
its okay my love.
my dark,
was too cold for you to handle
 
as the ice water found its home
back into my veins 
i was left
with the burden
of continuously 
remembering you.
 
you did what i wanted
you were immortal 
you were stilled 
you won.
 
i smiled.