A knight to remember.

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With his head upon her lap, she watched the warrior as he slept.
Feeling a little more daring than she did the previous nights,
She indulged herself and her little cravings as she ran her fingers through his dark hair,
She then traced an old scar on his face, brokenheartedly wondering where it came from.
Growing a little weary, she continued to watch, as he sank even deeper into his slumber, hoping that one day, he would invite her into his world, and along his battlefields, where she would be given a chance, to save him, like he rescued her.
 
The dark sky watched over them, she was warm that dark December night, with an added exciting breeze. Safely watching the world down there she envied the littleness of mortals’ worlds. Yet, she could honestly say, she never really craved to be like them. 

She sighed as the beautiful girl’s heart broke, knowing, it ached to rescue the man she didn’t know she had already saved.

 

Angry and frustrated by the blindness of mortals, she decided to give the beautiful girl a gift, a very special gift she saved for only the mad ones that had magic, feeling generous, she gave the girl, 
The gift of true sight.
Like a shooting star it happened in mere seconds,
The words appeared written on his skin like nothing she’s ever seen before.
She saw the truth that night.
His truth.
All of it.
The sky continued to watch, with obvious glee and self-assured arrogance, as the beautiful girl fought to understand the things her eyes saw.
 
As he slept, her warrior with the dark hair,
She saw the secrets he hid only from her.
In the creases near his eyes,
She saw that she was his harbour.
His lips told tales, of a beautiful girl he loved to taste,
She blushed, and wouldn’t dare look away, because what she saw next,
Was something she couldn’t begin to fathom,
For his safe haven, was in the smell of her embrace.
And around his deepest scars, she saw, the one thing that scared her the most.
With her sudden gift of sight, she saw that she,
Was all that remained
Of his strength.
In a sudden moment of true clarity, she saw beyond his flesh wounds.
Letting it all hit her, she let go of all her burdens, only for the chance to bear his own.
This warrior,
This man,
Was already so deep inside of her, buried underneath her skin.
Finding his way into her bones, she knew he has become a necessity.
An opiate addiction clawing his way at whatever was left of her sanity.
She consumed all of him.
She couldn’t fight back.
She couldn’t get enough of him.
She didn’t seem to want to.
Because,
Out of all their burnt bridges,
Her sleeping warrior, built her an ash throne.
He built her a castle, fit for a queen,
She no longer needed any walls of her own.
At least,
Never around him.
When her heart became too heavy to carry,
He gave her his own, never asking for anything in return.
She vowed, with the sky as her witness, on a warm but breezy december night.
That she would spend the rest of her existence,
Finding ways, to always protect him.
To constantly be his anchor.
So she weaved her words like spider silk.
Wrapping it around them.

With every word, the silk grew tighter.
Until finally, it grew so tight, she couldn’t breathe.

She never knew how good it felt,
Not to breathe.

He woke up to the sensation of her skin.
She looked into the eyes of the man she vowed to protect,
and said;
“The bright days are gone, dearest.
We, are for the dark.
You gave me all the words.
Yes, you gave me my last attempt at alive.

Although, this time i’ll do it different.
Yes, this time I’ll do it right.

Because this time,
I have you.
 
My warrior of the night.”
Breathless and desperate for her, he didn’t know what to say to his beautiful girl.
A million words struggled on his lips, a lifetime’s worth of words.
“I don’t know what you are.” Was all he managed to breathe into her embrace.

“I am whatever is meant by all this chaos rioting through you.” She said.

“You can hear how loud my veins scream, can’t you?” He asked.
“My darling, 
I heard even the whisper of your cells, 
As they turned from air to fire in my arms, in a single night.” 
He couldn’t believe his senses.
Wrapped in silk, inhaling nothing but      her.
How she made him lose his words, he would never know.
For here laid a warrior that conquered worlds,
That defeated armies and beheaded many a demon.
He laid in the arms of a girl,
A beautiful girl,
That became his one true conqueror.
He felt a breeze interrupt his thoughts as she attempted to stand, unwrapping the silk.
Taking her hand, he ached to be back in her skin.
“Sit.” He ordered,
Allowing himself to breathe only the air he found, around her neck.
She felt his eyes trace her skin and she blushed.
Suddenly exhausted by the revelations of a single night,
Staying awake seemed too difficult for the girl.
Nevertheless, she obliged.
Sitting back down, she asked, “Will we sleep?”
“Sleep? 
 
Angel,     No. 
 
Find delirium? 
Yes, we most certainly will.”
He sealed his promise with a kiss,
The tormenting kind of kiss.
Writing vows with his tongue,
He told the girl he was hers.
He confessed, he was owned.

Looking down at both the warrior and the girl who brought him to his knees, even the sky gave them a silent applause. 

As she gifted them calmness, on the night she knew they wouldn’t soon forget, she then called for the stars asking them to watch over the girl and her warrior, for they are magic she said.

 

Taking a stroll across mortal lands, she went to deliver more of her gifts.

 


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smoking the stars (My Guru)

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In the distance she heard a cry, it masked its own contradicting whisper.

She ran to where the matches lay.

Picking them up, she came.

With her match, she lit me up like a cigarette, allowing me to burden her with my toxic smoke.

Like a superhero, she comes right when she’s needed, fixing everything, never allowing herself to be fixed in return.

She bore my scars like she knew where they came from.

She was my bullet in a gun, she was my aim when I had non, the ground was shaky underneath, but she held it still.

Yea,

I’m thinking, getting her back was one of my greatest wins.

We lay entwined, listening to the dawn’s chorus.

When she’s with me, this reality is surreal.

She stroked my fingers and smiled.

That smile.

The one that told me everything her words couldn’t.

I could wait forever in her smile.

“Look up.” She whispered.

I did.

I looked up.

Her soul had written us in the stars. It happened long before this old world was born. We happened long before this old world ruined us.

And I couldn’t breathe.

She turned and said, “Are you alright?”

I must be fine, because my heart’s still beating.

I had no unspoken words to covert or hide from her anymore, I had no mask, no sad eyes smile she didn’t seem to see.

Us being here was never an accident, she had all of me through and through.

“I spilled my secrets to the moon, and she gave me you.” I told her.

Breathless I smiled at the moon, but she too couldn’t speak in happiness.

Because, looking up that night, every star in the universe became my story.

She would wait a lifetime for me, at least that’s what the dark told me.

And I knew that as much as I knew, I had already waited through all of my lifetimes for her.

Once upon a reality, my grip came loose and I let her slip away.

Once upon a dream we wandered hand in hand, slipping back into each other’s souls making peace with our mistakes.

For a thousand hours, would she silently read our story to me. Using the sky for the words she couldn’t say.

Until her throat could fight no more and she would grow as silent as the night.

The rumble of her voice, would coax me to sleep.

To dream again, finding a peace I seek in me, in dreams I had, full of thoughts of her.

So I slept, teasing her with silent breaths.

I slept; reminding her our best was yet to come.

And she,

She had no choice but to wait, awake.

I know I said it once before but it bears repeating, I think getting her back was one of my life’s greatest wins.

neither friend or foe, is what i have in you.

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a hundred times a day, i say im done.

a thousand times a week i say im through.
a million times a month i let go of you.
and an infinite number of times a second i come back to you.
i run
i sprint
as light as feather.
with the speed of a stallion
i stumble upon my own fake promises
and i still find my way back
to the very place
i got to meet destruction.
you hold me without touch
you imprison me without gates
set me free
let me live
leave me be.
you’re not even here and i go back to our place
you’re not even present and i sneak a peak at our future
you flatter me with details of all your latest affairs
you call me special and i call you my own
this isnt healthy
this isnt fair
i need my sanity
i dont want to fall another moment into your beauty
i need you to have me spared
let me go
let me breath in the air of new
let me meet my match someplace they’ve never heard of you
i smell you in the roses i despise
though i
cant seem to let you go
i see you in the leafs of my favorite orchids
i confuse even myself when it comes to you
here i am
always running back to you
spare me though
set me free
let me go
let me be
let me breath in the air of new
dont reach for me
you know i’ll be there
i know i’ll be there
and we’ll both know i’ll want to
and what a horrifying image that would be
when darkness comes upon you
and showers you with fear and insanity
you’ll give until you get
and then you seem to run out of giving
its disgusting to behold
and disturbing to be a part of
if you forget the way to go
if the night seems endless
and when the morning never comes to be
if no one is standing beside you
i beg you to not shout for me
free me of your chains
be brave and know
that i was here
but i can’t be anymore
have mercy and go
and never come near.
i need to be done
i need to let go
and i need to say it a million times more
i’ll believe my own fake lies
i’ll fake theire way into reality
or at least i’ll get to say i tried
hurry up and go
find your match in someone else
let them do the waiting
let them do the wishing
allow them to give you
without ever having the pleasure of taking
i cant be that person to you anymore
i refuse to be.

the little things i notice

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Sometimes I can’t watch you.
I lose every ability to hold my gaze
But my eyes misbehave
I cant seem to concentrate
I find myself denying my sense of sight
Just to not notice something new and fall in love with it.
I love you more when you’re ordinary.
I love you more when you casually smile into oblivion.
I love you more when you stare off somewhere.
I feel my stomach clenching when I watch your hair fall in the middle of talking
The mountain rise of my chest when you put on your sweater before you leave is just irrational
I love you more when we’re alone
When we’re barely trying and its just, comfortable.
Calm and final.
Right and simple.
I lose it a little whenever your hands move while you talk
How you almost touch the left side of your jaw every time you’re excited about something.
When you play with the screen saver on your phone, I know someone’s getting into a subject you’re avoiding
I watch your movements.
I learn their language.
I translate every look,
every sigh,
every laugh.
I memorise the shape of your neck when you turn around to talk to someone
I take a mental image whenever you fuss around with your legs like they don’t belong to you.
And when you silently stare at me and smile, I’m hypnotised.
I love you more when you’re ordinary.
And I’m giving up on trying not to notice all your inches.
In the hope
That maybe one day
You’ll notice mine.

the sin of logic …

I am the sin,

I am the ultimate temptation and the desire,

I am the pain and the loss,

the death of hope,

I am the pleasure,

I am your plague.

I am the saint of your dreams and the devil of every nightmare you’ve ever had,

they say I am “the land where angels fear to tread”.

I am that feeling you get, right at the back of your head, hiding from the rest of your thoughts,

that impulse,

that strange little impulse,

that illogical voice telling you to go on,

to run into your darkness,

pushing you into irrecoverable irrationality,

I am, and forever will be, the death of all that is good in you.

I’ll strip you all the way to nothingness,

into oblivion,

until all that remains in you, is me.

I am the core of your salvation.

Your poison like nothing else,

still want to love me?

Because if there’s one thing i know for sure,

its that my feelings for you, defy logic.